I've always considered myself a very healthy person....never have had any major healthy problems/issues. The only surgery I ever had was due to a clumsy moment on my part (slipping on a patch of ice when it was 45 degrees outside...) The closest to a "major" illness I had was when I was younger, and got 2 bouts of severe Pneumonia. Other than that, every time I go to the doctor, they pretty much say "nothing is wrong with you". My blood always looks healthy when they run tests, my blood pressure is normal...you get the point. So I've never really considered what it would be like to have a long term, serious, very miserable illness.
No worries, to my knowledge, I still don't have such an illness. However, the last few weeks have been plagued with one 'minor' illness after another. Back to back to back. I haven't been doing much of anything at home, besides sleeping and trying to get better. I haven't been at church at all in the past few weeks, which has made me very lonely and discouraged. And, in general, I hate being sick!! (I mean, who honestly could enjoy it? ha!)
This has made me consider the lives of those who struggle with long term illness. Sickness that is much more miserable than anything I am going through. I have looked on those who have been triumphant thru such a trial, and those who have turned into self absorbed, miserable, pity-partying "woe is me" type of people. I certainly don't want to be the latter. Yet, it would be sooo easy to become that. It all starts with taking your eyes off of God's sovereignty - which turns into a complaining, discontent heart. Which becomes bitterness and anger at God...and so on.
I'll be honest. I lean towards having that complainy attitude/heart. When things don't go my way, I can be very vocal about it. Thankfully, (thanks to my husband's reminders) I am learning the art of scripture memorization targeting those things that I am struggling with. Verses like, "do everything without complaining or arguing" or " In everything, give thanks" or "Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, ....(etc) think about such things"...These verses have made a huge impact and change in my heart.
Someone who portrayed this in a beautiful way was Julie Halsey. I loved and respected her soo much. The last few years of her life were filled with incredible pain, as cancer took over her body. Yet, I never heard her once complain. And on top of that, she always had a smile.... you would have never known she was sick based on the way she acted and talked. Yet, she was honest and humble, and let people minister and serve her...(which is another thing we can do in our pride - put up walls, and say "no, i'm okay" when someone volunteers to help or minister in some way. I did this just the other day, and wish I hadn't)
Anyways, I still have alot to work on. Although I've been learning and growing in the area of complaining, I am still nowhere near being able to go about my day to day activities with a smile on my face when I am feeling miserable. With God's grace, this is something I want to improve and grow in - so that other's around me will see the joy/love/grace of God through me, and not the self absorbed, miserable person that I tend to be.
These lyrics have also greatly encouraged me these last few weeks. With God's grace, I can get through the trials he has put in my life, one day at a time.
"Ev'ry day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Pow'r;
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
"As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,"
This the pledge to me He made.
Help me then in ev'ry tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land."
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