It's been a LONG time since I've updated this! wow! :)

Life is so crazy! Sometimes I wonder what life was like before the curse, and I envy that. But with that envy comes a longing for my future life - eternity - in the presence of Christ. A forever without sin. I can't wait!!!

One of the things keeping me very busy, is a musical I am accompanying - You're a good man, Charlie Brown. The last few months have been filled with long practices at school, long practices at home, frustration at myself for not being able to learn the music as quickly as I once did....but more than all of that, it has been FUN! I am so thankful for the opportunity! For one, I love music. God has given me talent, and doing this has realized how the last 4 or 5 years, I haven't really been using that for Him. I haven't been using it at all, actually. And I feel kind of like an idiot for not using it and keeping up with it...because I enjoy it SO much!! It has kind of opened my eyes to a few big realizations....
For 1, I want to start teaching piano lessons once we get settled in our house, and can afford to buy a piano. I love kids. I love music. And I want to teach. I also want to be a stay at home mom someday, so that would be the perfect blend of the things God has given me a passion for.
For 2, well...this is more of an internal struggle in my head still...but doing the play has made me just crave for a job that I love to do. Every time I go to practice, I come home with a smile on my face. Why? Because I love music! I love being around PEOPLE....! And ...well, to say the least, the job I currently have, I do not love. I am alone all day. I do practically nothing... And the internal struggle comes with this...God has given me the job I have right now, and I am to be thankful and content for that! However, is it okay to crave something more?? To have such a deep desire to use the passions He's given me for His glory? I am praying that He will give me contentment! (because I am REALLY struggling with that right now) But also, I am actively applying to other jobs...(in schools!) We'll see if anything comes out of this at all... but I am excited..because I can't wait to be used wherever God puts me!!
For 3...hmmm... I know I had more than 2 thoughts going along with that, but after that long tangent, I forget :)

Well, anyways...those are the positive things that have come out of being in the musical. The not so positive things, are that I hardly ever see my hubby. Leaving for work at 7:30 in the morning, and coming home at 10pm, just to have to say goodbye to him at 10:30pm has NOT been fun! If I had realized the time commitment, I probably wouldn't have done it, because it's not in the best interest of our still very young marriage.

There is LOTS else going on as well. And without going into all the details, I can just say this: God is testing me..... And I am thankful. Let me explain:
Last April (09) was one of the hardest months I can remember. I was so overwhelmed with everything going on (and there was alot going on!), that I just quit and gave up on alot of things I was involved in. And I have been dealing with the guilt and consequences of that month for a year now! (even though I know I have been forgiven, and am sooo thankful for that.....! But sin still has devestating consequences!) Anyways, this April is reminding me a little of last April, in that there is ALOT going on. Not only have I not really been home much at all, my mom has been in and out of the hospital for testing, and they still haven't really figured out what's wrong, my great grandma passed away last week, we have been overwhelmed with figuring out details for the house we are in contract with, and I am STILL dealing with overwhelming loneliness at times. But I am encouraged. Because, in James 1, it says " Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing'.
I am so thankful that God gives second chances. And thru these sometimes overwhelming weeks, I am just praying with all my heart that this time I will "pass the test". That I would depend on Him, grow in Him, and become more like Him thru this! And my heart is just so encouraged that He loves me enough to put me thru circumstances that will help me become like Him!
I still am far from passing the test, so to speak. These long days have made it difficult for me to spend quality time in the Word. Setting priorities is something I am learning to do..but it is not always easy...especially when all you want to do is lay down and sleep :) Still growing for sure...but God is good, and He will not give me more than i can handle!

Well.. I have rambled long enough. Time to get back to work. :)

"In everything give thanks. For this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you"