raw thoughts...

I'm sitting here - it's 11:45 at night, and I'm pooped....but I'm waiting for my hubby to get home from working a 17 hour shift, and I'm trying desperatly to stay awake, so...what better to do than blog and write down your half asleep thoughts??? So here goes...whats in my brain...raw and honest.

- I'm laying here next to my sleeping son, and just get overwhelmed so often with such a deep love for him. 2 weeks ago I faced the possiblilty of losing him (or it seemed in my mind) .... Which, has brought me to think more deeply about the significance of what God did for us in salvation. He SENT His only Son to die...(it was a choice..that is what has been hitting me lately). And as if that weren't enough, the people He was dying to save were awful, dirty, sinful wretches that didn't deserve His sacrifice. And on top of that, many of those people don't even care what He did - and openly refuse Him. I'm sorry, but I would not, could not, even think about doing that ...or chosing that. Nope. But God's love for US is that great. this leaves me speechless and just...wow.

- As serious as that last thought was, I couldn't help but put in a Dr. Suess reference. yes, I've been reading lots of books to my boy - he loves them. And one of my favs is green eggs and ham. ( I would not, could not in a boat.....) haha...

- Hubby has been working...alot. While this is good, b/c medical bills have not stopped coming in since ..well, March of this year...I can't help but be challenged by the knowledge that there is only so much time ..and time with loved ones is WAY more important than money. I'll be very honest here..I have been tempted and allured by money alot lately. Satan uses it to seem like the answer to all our problems. I get distracted so easily, and find myself wishing, dreaming (aka coveting) so often. For example... I love redecorating. Like, love love love. I have always like things looking nice and like arranging things and picking out how I want things to look. However, idolizing a house that looks like the pottery barn magazine is far from godly, and it is very easy for me to spend a good part of the day dreaming of things I want to do to the house, or things I want to save for next. ha! If only my heart were as focused on heaven. (*sidenote, I do NOT think it's a sin to enjoy decorating. Im just saying that this is something I enjoy, but it's so easy for me to idolize it and focus on it Wayyy to much, which leads to coveting . etc. etc..)

- hmm... Graetors coconut chip. Just discovered. .....= way amazing.

- baby snores are cute.

- about *27 minutes until hubs gets home. Yes I am that anxious. These eyes are just begging me to let them shut for awhile, but I can't give in. See, lately I've been sleeping much more deeply at night than I used to. I used to wake up 1 minute before the hubs alarm went off every morning...and i woudln't be able to go back to sleep until he left for work. Now -... yeah, don't even hear him get out of bed, shower or leave. (this is thanks to my beautiful son who has given me the gift of goign to sleep whenever I want, after getting up multiple times during the night) Soo if i fall asleep now, i'm not going to see him until he gets home from work tomorrow..which will be utterly tooo long without seeing him. BTW.. I love him to death :) He is absolutly the love of my life, and I am so thankful that He loves God, loves me and his son, and loves to take care of us, even if that means working long nights and early mornings. I have no doubt in the world that he would do anything for us.. anything at all.

- now we're down to *22 minutes. Must. Keep. Writing.

- It's been a week since our dog, todd, found another home. (Ok, so I found him another home). I must say, I don't miss him most days. But right now, I kind of do. And Chris misses him so much, it makes me feel guilty. He was a really good dog.. sweet, loyal. But also super hyper, shed like a beast, and liked to make messes in the house. He also came close to trampelling Luke a few times in his hyperness, which is the main reason we got rid of him. But...I wonder how he is, if he's still waiting for us to come back. Which reminds me, I need to email his new owner........I think i'll do that right now.

so enough of the random thoughts for now. Good night :)