Insecurity...

Insecurity


A night of insecurity
A slowly dropping tear
A heart that's full of hopes and dreams
But clouded out by fear

A soul that longs to leap and run
But caged inside by doubt
A heart that's full of hopes and dreams
The brain can't figure out

(chorus)
O, where should I go?
Who should I turn to?
I need someone now to run to
I want to be sure of your love
But I'm so insecure

Longing, deep desire
For something more than me
A heart that's full of hopes and dreams
But crushed by reality
(back to chorus)

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I wrote this poem when I was a Jr. in High School. I had just months before started my Jr. year at a new school, after leaving the school I attended for 11 years. I left friends, memories and a "comfortable" place there ...and in return found myself facing more insecurity than I could have imagined. I was a shy, quiet girl...the kind who was happy with a few close friends, and had no desire to be popular or get much attention. The problem I faced as the weeks and months went by there, was that I couldn't find those few close friends. Well, that's not exactly true - I had a very close friend the 2 years that I was there, and that was the man that would someday be my husband. But the void that was still there - as I could not find a way to connect with any of the girls in my class. They were all gorgeous, popular, confident; I was shy, plain, insecure...and nearly invisible. It didn't help that everyone thought I was in Jr. High, with how "young" I looked. I remember the first few weeks, calling my best friend from my "old" high school, and telling her every detail of my day...and then going to bed, crying - dreading the next day. I was lonely, and essentially - miserable.
But God knew what He was doing :) I will share more of my story, and the poems that accompanied the journey soon.....