an update....

I am ready for this busy season in our lives to be over for a little bit! Ready to catch my breath and just rest. Rest in my Savior, be refreshed in His Word, be reunited with my husband in quality time spent together...be with friends...
Just a few more weeks to go. Most of 2010 has been spent on the fast lane of life for me. Since January, I have been non stop busy. First it was the musical - the long practices every single day. And now, it's the house - trying to fix it up and move. And it hit me the other day - 2010 is almost halfway done!! It is almost June, and as I look back on the first half of this year, I am saddened. Yes, I have loved alot of the things God has put in my path this year. I love being married, I loved accompanying the musical, and I am thrilled that God has provided us with a house to raise a family in someday, and use for His glory. But I am saddened, because as I look back on all that, the things that really count have not been my priority. My time in the Word has been hit and miss, and every night as I sink into bed, exhausted, I tell myself and God that tomorrow will be the day that I just spend some good quality time in His Word. The days have rolled by, and looking back, I don't see a consistent pattern of faithfulness to my Savior. I see a heart that is distracted by all the things that I "have to do, and get done", and one that is not focused on truly knowing God. That is heartbreaking. I also am saddened, because loneliness still pervades my heart at times. I long for a friend here at home to call up and say, 'hey lets go shopping, or let's go work out together, or let's pray together." I deeply miss the times of prayer and accountability with my closest friends that I had while in high school and college. Sometimes I use that as an excuse for my unfaithfulness to Christ - saying, "well, if I had a friend to keep me accountable, i would be soo much more motivated to be in the Word". It's true that God uses friends to sharpen us "like iron sharpens iron" but..it is no excuse, nonetheless. And really, God has given me some wonderful, amazing friendships that I am sooo thankful for. They just happen to all be hundreds of miles away..which is hard. My heart longs overwhelmingly for those times with friends.... Yet, being as busy as I have been, it's been near impossible to make new friends here...it's been hard enough maintaining the ones I have!
I guess it just comes down to this: I need Him desperately, every minute, every hour. I am so weak and sinful. My heart has strayed from the green pastures of communion with my Father so many times, and it grieves me more than anything. Sin is not worth it! It gets hold of your heart and attitude and deceives you! But it only leads to heartache...in my case, the heartache of knowing that I have put other things above God, and wasted precious time He has given me.
I am ready to start anew - live for Him one day at a time.

"It will be worth it all, when we see Jesus
Life's trials will seem so small, when we see Christ
One glimpse of His dear face, all sorrow will erase
So bravely run the race, til we see Christ"