(Jan 6, 2012)

It's one of those nights where sooooo much is on my heart and mind. Struggles, questions, frustrations, dissapointments...those are all the object of my restlessness. Wanting more...wanting to go deeper...wanting to be free from this...that is my desire.

Yes..I am facing a very real spiritual battle...a struggle with sin that I have never felt so real and close before.

Sin kind of creeps up on you. By that, I mean - I don't always see it as a 'big deal'. Like, thinking about myself more than others - thats not so bad, is it? (umm.. yes) But my mind and heart don't always make it that. And that's where the battle begins - taking your eyes off of WHO God is, and what He has done - and putting them onto yourself and your own desires. Your view of God defines you and how you act. So, by me viewing God as someone I can keep happy by reading a few verses here and there....well, a very wrong view of God puts you in a very real position to fall. And thats what happened.

So, looking back, when you let a little selfish heart fester for about a month - and you're not connecting yourself with friends who will tell you what you need to hear - and you're not in the Word or praying at all - and you're trying your hardest to not let people know that anything is wrong.... all of a sudden, you have a unhappy, selfish, miserable person, who is festering in sin....and the selfish heart has manifested itself in hurting relationships, and harboring other sinful thoughts and actions. Thoughts you would never dream you could think, things you never dreamed you would desire. Satan has a way of making things that never were appealing before, VERY appealing....and letting your mind trick you into thinking that you want it, and you should act on those thoughts.

Thankfully, being God's child - He will not put up with this. He HATES sin....




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(Feb 24, 2012)

I decided to visit my blog again after months and months of ignoring it..., and love looking through the "drafts" that I never post, usually because I talk myself out of it. But this one I read and decided to put my thoughts from almost 2 months ago... because I need reminded of God's faithful love and promises.

"I will never leave you or forsake you"

"He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it"

(paraphrase) "God will not tempt you more than you can handle, but with the temptation will give a way to escape"

His promises are beautiful. And they are real. They are a comfort -- like a daddy wrapping his arms around his child, telling him that it's going to be okay. And looking back on how He keeps those promises - faithfully and lovingly - is a sweet comfort to the soul. Despite my unfaithful harlotry against God, He lovingly draws me back again and again.

With His grace and help, I am gaining victory over the struggle of which I posted above. Thank you, Jesus. Keep me close. Keep me ever loving you with my whole heart, and seeking Your Word like a precious treasure.

"Draw me close to You....never let me go"....