Pregnancy in review.....

*** update*** I started this post when I was 33 weeks preggo, and am just now finishing it (luke is almost 4 months old) It is long, but I wanted to write down the details while it is fresh in my mind. :) ***




Maybe I shouldn't be writing this post yet...as I've still got the last 7 weeks of my third trimester in front of me..who knows what joy those weeks will bring? But I can't help reflecting on the journey thus far..(during these few moments that my brain cells are actually working in my favor..)

Pregnancy took me by surprise. I was not planning on it. I was not expecting it. I really wasn't even wanting it. Chris and I were only 10 months young in our marriage - still figuring out how life with each other each day was like, just settling into our first home...just getting back from our first summer vacation together (besides our honeymoon). We had dreams of fixing up our home, paying off our student loan debt as fast as possible, and going on an alaskian cruise. Well..right around the 2nd week of July, things started changing. My body usually has an interesting time the week before my period starts, so that week I didn't suspect anything when my body started doing especially weird things. Well, not just my body. I was the one doing weird things. Forgetting things, locking myself out of the house... I even got my first (and only) speeding ticket that week. I had 3 people ask me if I was pregnant, to which I replied in appall, of course not!! But by the end of the week, being only 1 day late with my period, my husband demanded I go buy a test. It was a Saturday night (well, technically Sunday morning) at 1am when I took the test... it immediately came back positive. I was in shock. In denial. Immediately, a thousand questions/doubts flooded my brain..." We are too young" ... " We aren't ready" .. " What will people think, we haven't even been married a year"... " how are we doing to do this financially??"... " I don't know if I'm ready to give up this time with just the 2 of us.." .... " I don't want to get fat".... those are just a few. I didn't really have to "tell" my husband (since he was the one that made me get the test) ...he came downstairs, saw my face, and knew immediately. But then came the doubts of if he was disappointed in me (not that it was just my fault??) I wanted him to be happy, and be confident - be the one that could clear all my doubts and fears about what this meant. But of course, he had his doubts as well at first..(altho, his cleared alot faster than mine did!)
The first 2 weeks after finding out, I was kind of in denial. I wasn't excited... I wasn't happy... I was scared. I didn't really let myself think about it that much. And since I didn't really want to talk to anyone about it, I made some rash decisions.. (like calling my OBGYN that i had only been to one time for my first and only annual...i knew NOTHING about their office or how they dealt with pregnancy..)
By week 5, I started getting very sick. At first, it was just a general nauseated feeling all the time. But then, it quickly turned into throwing up ...all the time. My first 2 hours at work, I pretty much locked myself in the bathroom, constantly sick. My lunch break, I would go upstairs and instantly fall asleep, then come back downstairs and throw up some more. I would usually be okay for a few hours, until I got home...and then I would throw up some more, and plant myself on the couch the rest of the night. No cleaning, no cooking, and no going anywhere. By week 7, it was so bad that I had to go to the hospital. I remember that day - I hadn't been able to keep anything at all down for 48 hours. I thought I was going to lose the baby, and started crying uncontrollably...feeling an incredible amount of guilt for the lack of excitement that i had about the pregnancy thus far. I mean, you're supposed to be thrilled, right??? Alot of people just didn't understand why I wasn't..and made me feel like a really bad person for not being over the top ecstatic about being pregnant.

And then came the questions. People start getting suspicious when you disappear from the face of the planet for a few weeks in a row. There was only 1 or 2 times that Chris could say "my wife is sick" before people automatically get suspicious, and start asking questions. However, I was NOT ready to talk to people or tell people about it yet. I guess I was still coming to grips with it myself, and telling people would make it "real" . But what do you do when someone asks you point blank "are you pregnant?" I don't believe in lying...but I also didn't want to tell them. The worst time this happened was in front of a large group of people...when my siblings were present. We had told our parents at this point (8 weeks along) but not our siblings, and someone asked me in front of a whole large group if I was pregnant. I was SO frustrated....and determined at that point that even if I have a million suspicions, I will never ask someone that or talk to them about it until they are ready to share it. I think thats only fair!

Anyways...week 10, after my 2nd trip to the ER due to dehydration/excessive vomiting, zofran and I became best friends. I was very wary of taking meds while pregnant, but next time around will not hesitate to embrace this one. I went from throwing up mutliple times a day, to maybe once...and feeling overall, much better. The side effects of this drug were not always pleasant...(lets just say this... i never in my life thought i would drink prune juice or eat prunes...but ... i did..)
This stage of the preg. is also frustrating as I was quickly out growing my clothes (mostly just pants) but was nowhere near fitting into maternity clothes. I went to work many a day without my pants buttoned (or zipped sometimes..lol) and just hoped that my long shirts would trick everyone...haha. Yes, I should have invested in one of those bella bands....but by the time I realized this, the stage had almost passed, and I was too cheap. Next time. lol.

One of the biggest joys of pregnancy = hearing baby's heartbeat, seeing baby on ultrasound, and feeling baby move. At 8 weeks we heard the babys heartbeat for the first time and had our first ultrasound....at this point the baby just looked like a little peanut, and I won't lie, it still wasn't real to me (crazy I know). It wasn't until 15 weeks, when we saw the baby in detail, moving around, putting his hand to his mouth, finding out it was a boy that I truly allowed myself to be excited - to become emotionally attached...to accept that this was really happening! I guess up until this point the sickness, the shock and the fear of losing the baby had caused me to put a wall around my heart, to try to "protect" it, in case something happened. This wall went down that day...and this is when I started truly ENJOYING pregnancy, and anticipating the arrival of my baby boy.

Well I said goodbye to morning sickness and hating food, and said hello to FOOOOD and new heights on the scale. haha. I think I ate 5 FULL meals a day, and was probably still hungry. One time at my monthly check up, I had gained somewhere betweeen 10-12 lbs. I loved that the doctor at this point didn't really say anything to me. (it was when I was 36 weeks preggo, and had gained 4 pounds in a week that my doc said that I should probably lay off on the sweets that I became really ticked off. I mean, really? I hadn't even been eating that many sweets.......okay, not TOOO many. I was pregnant, give me a break!) I also said hello to acid reflux and heartburn. Just when food starts sounding good, it has to be ruined by the constant burning and bringing food up. ugh... Tums became my best friend. So did milk. We went thru at least 2 gallons a week, and lets just say I was the guilty one. It's the only thing I could drink that didn't make me have terrible heartburn, and I was REALLY thirsty all the time! I will never forget stopping at a gas station nearby, that sells milk that is 2-3 days away from the expiration for half price. I snagged a half gallon, knowing that it would only last maybe a day, and the guy at the counter kept telling me, you know this expires tomorrow???? I kept mumbling, yes, I do....(didn't want to tell him that the thing would probably be gone by tomorrow morning)

Third trimester arrived. With this came the constant laundry, b/c I was depleting all my husbands tshirts (the only thing I could fit into). Third trimester also brought terrible back pain. Sleepless nights. Peeing constantly. Braxton Hicks (I actually started getting these around 20 weeks). impatience. Baby showers. People constantly asking 'when are you due?'. Nervousness. Asking constantly what the baby's name is, and having to explain we weren't sharing that yet..(and hadn't decided either). Thankfully, I never got asked once if I was having twins.

We got asked quite a bit what childbirth classes we were taking. I must say, I didn't like it when people asked this question. It was if to imply that we needed them. Okay, maybe we did. But something about the idea of sitting next to a bunch of other pregnant couples and practicing breathing exercises (and paying $150 to do it) just didn't sit right with me. sorry. I read several books that were quite informing, thank you very much. But ...my husband doesn't read. And after having a few discussions with him and seeing his apparent lack of knowledge about childbirth, and knowing that he was going to be in the room with me as my "support" person - I decided that we should probably do something to fix this. So I bought some DVD's called 'laugh and learn about childbirth'. The lady is a little corny at times, but does a really good job of explaining everything about labor and delivery in a fun way that's easy to understand and follow. She's also a supporter of natural childbirth, and after watching those DVD's, I committed to at least trying to go natural for my birth, if possible.

I watched these videos at about ...34 weeks??? Well, it was after making the committment to try to go natural that I hit this dilemma: I'm not very self motivated, and I have a very bad record of following through on things (which is a really really bad trait - I'm working on this with God's help) On top of this, I have my hubby's constant jokes about my low pain tolerance..(he always is amused when I would run into something or stub my toe and think it was the worst thing that ever happened to me...he was NOT confident at all that I would be able to go natural - in fact, he was pretty sure that I would be 3 cm and begging for an epidural). But the thing is, I REALLY wanted to go natural...In fact, I was praying every night that God would give me the strength and determination to get through it, and that the circumstances would work out that I could.... (that there would be no complications) Well, after talking with my cousin, who had recently had a natural birth (and a 10 pound baby!!) she encouraged me that I could in fact do it, and that the thing that helped her the most was having a doula with her (my aunt). She strongly encouraged me to talk to her about it. Well, I was pretty positive that it was WAYY too late to have my aunt on board (at this point of talking to my cousin, I was 37 weeks along) I could go into labor any day, and she is a super busy mom of 7 kids. I really should have just called her at that point, but I didn't want to inconvienance her, so I kept my mouth shut. Well, my sister knew about my secret desires and spoke in my behalf to my aunt...I got a phone call from my aunt (and was now 4 days from my due date) We talked for a long time, and she told me that she would be happy to do anything I wanted/needed her to do - including being at the birth. So I told her that I would call her when I thought I was in labor, and we would go from there - if she could make it, great - if not, thats okay too.

That was Monday evening that I talked to her. Wednesday of that same week, I woke up
at 1 in the morning, feeling for the first time a really noticeable pain in my abdomen. I went back to sleep, but woke up half an hour later with another one. By 5:30 they were coming every 5 minutes. I woke up the hubby and really thought I would be going to the hospital soon. So, I waited til 6:30 to call my aunt polly, and she told me to first get in the shower and try to lay down for a while. humph. I got in the shower, and by the time I was done, my contractions had all but vanished (coming every 20-30 minutes) So since Chris and I had already called off work, we decided to go out to lunch and walk around for awhile. We picked up some movies and planned to just chill out and see what happened. Well, around 6pm that night things really started picking up. By 8ish, my contractions were coming every 1-2 minutes, and very intense. for some reason, I hadn't packed my hospital bag yet, so I was frantically throwing things in the bag, while screaming to chris to hurry up and get the car ready. I had been in touch with my Aunt Polly all day, and called her at that point to give her an update, and she knew by the way I was talking to just go ahead and meet us at the hospital (she lives in Cedarville). We were @ the hospital by 9 that night...and we went to Dublin Methodist. It was a little weird, because the whole delivery floor was dark and quiet when we got there, and it made me a little nervous at first... but I later found out that I was the only one in labor the whole night, so I had all the staff to myself. :) They checked me as soon as I got in, and was already 7 cm dialated, but the baby hadn't dropped at all, so I still had some progressing to do. At that point, I was definitly uncomfortable, but not to the point of it being unbearable - which made me really convicned at that point that I wasn't going to need the epidural!!!

I won't get into all the nitty gritty details of the labor - It obviously wasn't pleasant, but I really didn't get super uncomfortable until 9cm, which started a really not so fun hour and a half stretch of misery (aka transition). At 9 cm, my water still hadn't broke yet, and the baby hadn't dropped yet either (which I thought was kind of strange). The nurse asked me if i wanted to have my water broken for me - which - I hadn't orginally wanted this done, but at this point I was so ready to just be done, I told her yes. They did that, and found a huge amount of fresh myconium when they broke the water. Apparently it was a huge clump, looking like it had just come out (i know, pleasant, right?) Well the midwife was a little concerned b/c usually this amount of myconium is only seen when the baby is breech..so they did a quick ultrasound to make sure that he was head down - and sure enough he was, so that was a blessing for sure! Well after about an hour of really bad back labor and being told i couldnt push.... i finally got the go ahead. ****side note....this was the part of having a child that I was most scared about - especially since I was going natural..Ironically, pushing and delivery was my favorite part...it felt GOOD (burned a little though for sure...)Well, when I finally got the go ahead, I had one push, and the baby's head crowned. Nurse was not expecting that at all - my doctor was still 30 minutes away at that point. She told me i wasn't allowed to push anymore, and rushed out of the room to get the midwife, who was sleeping somewhere in the building. (I was really ticked about that..) Well, everyone gets in the room, and I get the green light for the second push, and right as I'm gearing up, my husband literally falls backwards, right on his head, and is completely passed out for like 2 mintues. My labor completely stopped at this point. Literally didn't have any contractions for 5-10 minutes, until Chris was awake and safely on the couch. Isn't it cool how our bodies work like that??? After that was all dealt with (my hubby watching the birth from the couch, with strict instructions not to get up) I pushed another 15 minutes or so, and Luke arrived :) The nurse allowed me to get a quick peek at him right after he was born, but apparently he was really clogged with tons of myconium, and they didn't want him to take a breath until he could be cleared out. So I didn't get to see him or hold him for like 2o minutes after the birth ..which was a dissapointment. My dr. arrived right after he was delivered, right in time to stitch me up (which, might I add, was the most painful part of the whole birth... the only time I screamed was when she was giving me the stitches with a little bit of local anisthetic....it was very painful!) Anyways....

all of that to get to this point. It was worth it. Every single minute of the misery, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I have a beautiful, sweet, precious baby boy that is God's sovereign gift to us. Chris told me a few weeks after luke was born that I had completely changed... i was surprised by that ( as I didn't think I had changed at all), and asked him how so? And he said, "your demenor is soo much happier than it used to be -your whole face is constantly lit up. I can tell you are loving life and where God has you right now." And he is right. I am so blessed to be Luke's mom and have the priviledge of taking care of him!